No, I’m not talking about Halloween, but rather that stomach-dropping, heart-racing unsettling feeling you sometimes get on a Sunday when all you can see is a jam-packed week of work. 

For a long time, autumn was my favorite season. It meant a new school year and my birthday, pumpkins and hikes and mulled apple cider. Costumes for Halloween, new sweaters for Thanksgiving and preparations for Christmas. And yet ever since becoming a mom, fall has lost some of its luster. Because as the temperature drops, a familiar refrain starts playing through my mind. Winter is coming. 

I have never liked winter. I get cold easily, don’t love any outdoor winter sport, and often find myself dreaming I could fast-forward from Christmas all the way to April. And yet before kids, I found it easier to just spend time indoors. These days, my kids have too much energy to stay in. Meaning every day is spent searching for three winter coats, six gloves, three scarves, and three hats. Sometimes also boots and snow pants. 

All this leads to complaining. Because every day at least one winter garment is lost, or one child thinks it’s warm enough not to wear a hat or gloves. Leading to crying about cold hands, wind-burned cheeks, numb toes, and the fact that I am making them late as I dive through our pile of mismatched gloves that somehow are never the ones we need. 

Yet the temperature keeps falling. Walking to school the other day, I heard my first complaint.

“I need gloves, Mommy,” my preschooler said.

I looked down at her hands, red from the cold.

I grabbed them and rubbed them between my own as I forced a smile. “You’re right. Time to dig them out!” I said as my stomach churned.

Luckily the weather had warmed enough by pickup to make gloves unnecessary. For another day I could live in my happy world of pumpkin lattes and purple flannel. Of ankle boots and waist-length jackets.

And yet later that night, unable to shake the anxiety building in my stomach, I trudged to the mudroom and pulled out three pairs of gloves. Because winter is coming. And my kids love the outdoors, even when it’s cold. Maybe this will be the year I learn to love winter too. Or at least prepare for it the night before.